ISOLATION IS A CANCER

Dear 2.10,
The truth hurts and on the surface you gave me a boat load to sort out. I say on the surface because the fact is I’m well aware how poorly you think on your feet and your tendency to revert to mean spiritedness and juvenile processing; and as much as I couldn’t carry things around any more I’d have been better served by writing things down.

You say you have no conscience so you just do things and don’t feel anything at all.
You defended your subjective brand of lying when something’s “not important to you” regardless of knowing it’s a well discussed (over discussed!) issue that will hurt me and jeopardize our relationship.
Regarding the trust issues you’ve created in me, you told me I’m gonna have to figure it all out for myself.
Regarding your subjective interpretation of honesty, you told me it may not get any better than this.
Regarding us, you told me you don’t know what you want.

Far from the words of someone interested in building a future.

You also had the nerve to blame our fight in Melbourne entirely on me, completely forgetting the entire interaction started because I could no longer endure your abysmal negativity and moodiness and that you were ‘freaking out’ being in a city. Christ, I had to go get coffee in the mornings just to have someone smile at me! And you unloaded all sorts of unforgivable nastiness like you knew you should’ve never came, knew this would happen, and how you’d have had every last detail figured out before the trip without ever using the internet (which besides ignorant, is hysterical!). No, I was not level or unemotional; I was upset and ready to explode on top of having a really bad UTI that I saw a Dr. for the next day, please excuse my imperfection. But please also share some bloody responsibility instead of this ridiculous ‘no, you’re right it was all my fault’ woe-is-me shit.

I responded that after 5 f’ng years this conversation was insane (and redundant)!

And it is.

How clear this all is on paper without the good stuff interwoven; the humor, and kindnesses, and touch. I’m at a loss for how to reconcile it all. In the absence of a support system, friends, or the energy of a metropolitan area, I feel paralyzed. Isolation is a cancer.