THIS IS NOT EXTRAORDINARY

Dear 2.10,
I am hollow. I am sadder than I have ever been. You knew damn good and well what was on the line and that I’d pulled out all the stops and ventured further out on a limb for you than I’d ever been. You knew this was a big deal, our last best effort. You knew. You disregarded. You crushed what had grown. I am sinking. Floundering and sinking. You don’t recognize this because you haven’t been around all the other times I’ve had to put myself back together. I’ve been the come back kid for 5 years, but now I feel nothing but dead. Your disregard in this fundamental respect (which you brush off as a minor infraction, clearly not heeding the impact) is dehumanizing beyond what your kindnesses are designed to gloss over. You think that because you’re nice most of the time that honesty and backbone are optional. And I’m supposed to reconcile all this myself you say. Well, as hard as it is to come to grips with, I’m beginning to admit that, if in fact I am reconciling all this myself, it certainly won’t be here.

It doesn’t matter how much I love you, I need someone who wants to build a future with me. I need someone who pursues honesty and integrity because they're the right thing to do. I need someone who can stand up to the ‘stuff’ that is life without getting stoned (etcetera, etcetera). I need someone who doesn’t rely on excuses and cop outs. In order to smile, I need the peace that trust makes possible. I need a partner. This is not extraordinary.